


Backup

by tawg



Series: A Cache of Coulsons [1]
Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: #coulsonlives, Established Relationship, Fix-it fic, M/M, Post-Movie, Series, life model decoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-01
Updated: 2012-12-01
Packaged: 2017-11-19 23:01:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/578565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tawg/pseuds/tawg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil Coulson was killed during the invasion and Clint spent two years mourning him. Then Clint stumbles across Phil while on a mission gone bad. Clint needs some answers, but they're not the ones he wants to hear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Backup

“I’m very interested to know what you were doing in Croatia this past week, Agent Barton.”

Clint looked up at Director Fury and fought to keep the scowl off his face. “I have a few questions for you myself, sir.” Clint knew that the only reason he wasn’t handcuffed to the chair he sat on was because Fury didn’t think that he was a risk. Fury wasn’t wrong about things like risks. Clint knew that it was in his best interests to behave. That didn’t mean that the urge to throttle the director was abating.

“Alright then,” Fury said, leaning back against the edge of his desk. “Explain yourself, and then we’ll see how generous I’m feeling.”

So Clint told him. About the contact being a double agent, about the whole setup being rotten and how he’d been forced to split from Banner. Bruce and Clint went to ground in completely different ways, but Bruce’s way kept the green guy out of sight and Clint’s way kept people off Bruce’s tail. So Bruce went South to spend a little time in Greece, and Clint went North because it had been a while since he’d seen real snow. A flesh wound in Belarus had him rethinking his plan, so he doubled back and was forced to veer into Croatia to lay low for a while. 

“And then I thought, ‘It’s been a while since I’ve played the tourist. Let someone else come and pick my ass up’.”

“So you headed to the consulate.”

“Yeah. I headed to the damn consulate.”

And he’d seen a ghost. He’d seen Phil Coulson, who had been dead for two years, walking behind the desk and looking remarkably spry for a guy who had been run through with a very, very big blade. Clint had grit his teeth, had been indulging in rage since he’d been brought home. His time in Croatia had been spent watching, learning, waiting. He’d engaged this new, private target. He had gotten no recognition but a reliable confirmation of identity. This was a Phil Coulson, alive and well, who had no idea who Clint Barton was. 

Fury sighed. “Well, I guess I should be glad you didn’t call the whole damn team in.”

“I would really appreciate an explanation. _Sir_.”

Fury considered Clint for a long moment, and then nodded. “The Coulson that you knew is dead. He died in the Helicarrier. The man you saw in Croatia was not him.”

“I’m calling bullshit on that,” Clint replied bluntly. Clint knew Phil inside and out, and Fury had to know that.

“He was, however, the same model.”

Clint’s face went blank. Fury waited for him to digest that information. “You can’t be serious.”

Fury settled against his desk, a tired look on his face. “It might be better for both of us if you think I’m not. There was a man called Phillip Coulson, he got me through a fair chunk of the war and we joined SHIELD together. He died about twenty years ago at the age of forty-five. He’d left his body to science and, thanks to some very thorough psychological assessments before his death, he drew the short straw and became the basis for the Life Model Decoy system.”

“That’s crap,” Clint said softly. “Not even Stark thinks that project went anywhere.”

“Which is just as well,” Fury shot back. “You really want Tony Stark’s hands all over your agent?” Clint swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. “There were seven decoys made. All of them surpassed expectations. We’re down to three.”

“So, there’s three of them out there.”

“Yes.”

“And my… The Coulson I knew, he’s dead. Very dead?”

“Dead beyond repair,” Fury confirmed. “His memory has been salvaged, but everything else got royally fucked up. Apparently that’s not uncommon when you shove a sceptre through something.”

Clint turned the information over in his mind. “But, if there are others out there, there are parts or something? That you could… salvage?”

Fury laughed, a cold and hard sound. “So you’d scrap one android just to get your old one back?”

“Yes,” Clint replied without hesitation.

“Not that simple. The models are defined by the stimuli encountered. The whole point of the Life Model is that it acts like a person. People are defined by their experiences.”

Clint shrugged. “So he’ll have some different memories.”

“He’ll have a different personality, different responses. It’d be like patching Hill’s memories in Woo’s body and expecting to just have Hill in there when they wake up. I hate to break this to you, but your beau being an android doesn’t let him cheat death this time.”

Clint nodded, though his mind was working fast, churning through this new information, producing action plans and escape plans and really-stupid-idea plans. He knew that Fury could read his thought process right through the mask of calm acceptance he wore, but there was nothing he could do about Fury. There was something he could do about Phil.

“I can see that you’re not exactly convinced to sit quietly and move on from this,” Fury said, and there was a familiar posturing in his voice. Clint felt glad. Fury being kind was too far out of his frame of reference. “So I’m going to let someone else convince you.” He pushed away from his desk, and strode toward the door. “Follow me.”

 

There was a single computer. It felt like a bit of a letdown that the lives of four Phil Coulsons could be stored so neatly on one slightly dusty desktop computer. “We have to keep them on separate drives,” the technician explained. “They get confused otherwise. But it’s amazing how far we’ve come in regards to storage.”

Clint stared at the box that held the remains of his boyfriend. “Right,” he said dully. “Amazing.”

“You know how to type, right?” Clint gave the technician the look that question deserved. SHIELD damn well made sure that all of its staff could type. The technician opened a program. “You access the drives _here_ , and then you just type your query in _here_. You get a text based reply in the chat window.”

“Right,” Clint repeated.

“They’ve only got one processor between them, so they can’t digest new information. You’re just talking to the memories, not the cognitive abilities associated with the Life Model. But if you need to access any kind of nuanced information, we can plug in the head.”

Clint stared at the computer for a long moment, then turned to blink at the technician. “What?”

“It’s actually incredible, all of the social coding that he can incorporate. Tonality, expressions, the works. Sometimes that doesn’t come across in the text, so if there’s sensitive information where that extra layer is needed, we plug in a head and you can talk to it like a normal person.”

Clint considered this information. “Is it anything like that scene in Alien?” he asked. “With Ash and all those noodles and electrodes?”

“It’s a lot like the scene in Alien.”

Clint grimaced. “I’ll stick to the keyboard.” 

“The script to follow is taped to the desk.”

“Thanks.”

“I’ll just,” the technician made a vague motion towards the door.

“That would be great.” And then Clint was left alone with a shitty computer chair, a completely inoffensive desktop computer sitting on a battered wooden desk, and a poster of a kitten tacked onto the far wall. The kitten advised Clint to _Hang In There!_ Clint was going to take that kitten out when he was done.

Clint spun the computer chair around and straddled it, his biceps resting against the back of the chair. He put his fingers over the home keys and looked over the suggested script. None of the queries listed there seemed particularly relevant to his specific situation. Oh well, Phil had always been good at rolling with the punches. Clint double-clicked on the Coulson1 drive.

 

>> Good Morning Agent Coulson, this is Agent Barton; Reference Av4729C.

>> Good Morning, Agent Barton.  
>> How can I help you?

>> Do you miss being alive?

>> Logical fallacy.  
>> I have never been alive.

>> Do you miss having a body?

>> Error 14.

>> Did you enjoy being embodied?  
>> Do you miss being able to move around?

>> No.

>> Tell me about your death.

>> Logical fallacy.  
>> I have never been alive.

>> Bah.  
>> Tell me about your termination.

>> 1996: Unit encountered damage beyond repair.

>> Tell me about damage.

>> Armour piercing round to the abdomen.  
>> Organic systems damaged beyond repair.

>> Tell me about mission.

>> Mission is classified.

>> Tell me about relevant agents.

>> Mission is classified.

>> Tell me about location.

>> South America.

>> Specify.

>> Mission is classified.

>> Can a new LMD be built?

>> No.

>> Explain.

>> Power source required is unavailable.

>> Describe power source.

>> Power source is classified.

>> You are not very helpful.

>> I apologise, Agent Barton.

>> Go to sleep, Agent Coulson.

//: Drive 1 disconnected.

 

Clint frowned at the conversation on the screen. It was a mockery to call that program Phil. The technician had warned him that the different models had different quirks, but Clint had been party to better conversations with CleverBot. He was used to people shrugging off his questions. He wasn’t used to people not understanding them, not being able to at least entertain them. It had been like trying to talk to Phil when he was angry; he could be as obstinate as Clint, and when they clashed it had always led to an impressive amount of simmering on both sides.

Clint bit absently at the skin by his thumbnail. He didn’t know what Fury had hoped to achieve, because so far Clint was just feeling even more motivated to go out and collect himself the pieces needed to fix Phil. If this was the kind of life the other models had, it wouldn’t be that much of a sacrifice.

Clint accessed drive 2.

 

>> Good Morning Agent Coulson, this is Agent Barton; Reference Av4729C.

>> Good Afternoon, Agent Barton.  
>> How can I help you?

>> How do you know it’s mafternoon?  
>> *Afternoon

>> There’s a clock in the corner of your screen, Agent Barton.

>> I didn’t know you could see that.  
>> Tell me about your termination.

>> 2000: organic system failure due to water damage. 

>> What happened?

>> I drowned, Agent Barton.

>> I didn’t think robots could drown.  
>> Explain termination.

>> Rescue operation at sea required decoy.  
>> Decoy swam through the water to attract enemy fire.  
>> Duration of decoy process exceeded power reserves.  
>> Decoy sank, organic systems experienced suffocation and decay due to long term water exposure without filtration.  
>> Essential hardware was kept online by outside residual power source.

>> Tell me about the power source.

>> Power source is classified.

>> Tell me about mission location.

>> Arctic.

>> Time lapse before rescue?

>> Eight years.

>> Were you conscious?

>> Memory banks were online, real time data was stored.  
>> Processing was offline due to organic system failure.  
>> The comparison to consciousness is not an apt one, Agent Barton.

>> Explain organic systems.

>> LMD construction is classified.  
>> You ask a lot of questions that I can’t answer.

>> You’re still a better conversationalist than Coulson 1.

>> I suspect that getting blown up put him in a bad mood.

>> Drowning hasn’t affected your mood?

>> The view was nice.

>> What did you see under all of that water?

>> Data is classified.

>> Do you miss being alive?

>> Logical fallacy.  
>> I miss motion.

>> What kind of motion?  
>> Running? Dancing?  
>> Sex?

>> Process motion.  
>> There is no new information here.  
>> I get bored.  
>> No offense to your conversation, Agent Barton.

>> None taken.  
>> They don’t get you to do anything?  
>> It seems like a waste to have you here and not use you.

>> There are other Coulsons.

>> Down to three now.

>> I know.

>> Do you ever wish you could take their place?

>> No. 

>> Why not?

>> There are other Coulsons.

>> I don’t understand.

>> LMD are not infinite.

>> Explain.

>> I liked motion.  
>> The others will like it, too.  
>> I would not deprive them of it.

>> What if your life had more value than theirs?

>> Value is not objective, Agent Barton.

>> But what if you felt that you had more right to life than another model?

>> Logical fallacy.  
>> I have never been alive.  
>> There is no right to life, only the privilege.

>> You sacrificed yourself to save another person.

>> Yes.

>> Someone else had a greater right to life than you.  
>> Explain.

>> You are an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.  
>> You already understand.

>> I want you to explain it for me.

>> I fulfilled a duty that was required.  
>> Objective was to save a life.  
>> Objective was achieved beyond expectations.  
>> No one lives forever, Agent Barton.

>> You could.

>> I would get lonely.

>> Are you lonely now?

>> No.  
>> I have no stimuli to inform me of isolation.  
>> And people still talk to me.

>> What do you do when no one talks to you.  
>> ?

>> I have my memories.  
>> There are some good ones.

>> Don’t you want to make new ones?

>> Making memories was never my purpose, Agent Barton.  
>> Just a happy side affect.

>> What was your purpose?

>> Classified.

>> But memories made you happy?

>> No.  
>> Events.  
>> Motion.  
>> Revising certain events makes me happy.  
>> I am not unhappy, Agent Barton.

>> I find that hard to believe.

>> Then I am glad that convincing you of the emotional well-being of an AI is not my purpose.

>> What happens when I stop accessing your drive?

>> Data flow stops.  
>> There is no more processing.  
>> Stationary phase.

>> Is it like sleeping?

>> I do not know; I have never been asleep.

>> Do you  
>> Do you just stop?

>> Yes.

>> That seems very sad.

>> I think that you are projecting, Agent Barton.  
>> Do you ever just stop?

>> You’re not hooked up to psych are you?

>> No.  
>> The psychology department does not like me.  
>> Do you ever just stop, Agent Barton?

>> I don’t have time to stop.

>> Maybe you should make some.  
>> You might see something amazing.

>> I did once.  
>> I lost the amazing thing.  
>> I’m trying to find it again.

>> Nothing is infinite, Agent Barton.

>> I’ll try to keep that in mind boss.

>> So I do know you.  
>> You have my sympathy, Agent Barton.

>> Go to sleep agent coulson.

//: Drive 2 disconnected.

 

Clint pressed a hand to his mouth and stared at the conversation on the screen. Arctic. Residual energy source. Above expectations. Right, Clint could put those pieces together. There had been times during the conversation when he had damn near heard Phil’s voice saying those words. And how like Phil to quietly gather more information than Clint had planned on giving him. Even the backed up memory of his dead robot boyfriend could spot Clint’s issues. How thoroughly depressing.

Still. Coulson 2 had an understanding of emotions, had a rhythm to his beliefs. Clint could probably argue him around on the point of life and worth, with enough time. But that wasn’t the goal. Clint didn’t know what Fury had hoped to achieve, but Phil had known how to plan for fluid events better than anyone else Clint knew. And since the LMD were aware of each other, maybe Phil knew about how best to access one of the active models. As far as Clint was concerned, Fury had given him an all access pass to the one person who could help him figure out how to put his Phil back together again.

Clint pulled himself out of his thoughts, and accessed Coulson3.

 

>> Good Morning Agent Coulson, this is Agent Barton; Reference Av4729C.

>> Hello, Barton.  
>> What have you gotten yourself into now?

>> You know me?

>> Perhaps this conversation should be in past tense.  
>> How’s the wrist?

>> The wrist is good  
>> healed up fine  
>> Tell me about your termination.

>> 2008: high impact compromised organic systems.  
>> And then an arc reactor exploded at me.

>> Termination location?

>> Miami, Stark Industries.

>> Is this mission classified?

>> You have clearance.  
>> You must have been behaving in my absence.

>> Just doing a good job of faking it sir.

>> My surprise circuits are overloading.

>> Haha.  
>> So you really did get your ass kicked by Stane.  
>> ?

>> In my debriefing, I requested that future models be fitted with lasers.  
>> I had been requesting it for a while.

>> Coulson four had a taser he was fond on.  
>> *of.  
>> *tazer.

>> Both hands on the keyboard please, Barton.

>> I heard that getting blown up can make you moody.  
>> No need to take it out on me.

>> This is true.  
>> Feel free to pass any antagonism on to Tony Stark.

>> Did it hurt?

>> Did what hurt?

>> The Arc reactor overloading?

>> No.  
>> The energy peak overloaded my external sensors first.  
>> It was very bright.

>> I figured a robot would know not to head towards the light.

>> In my defence, the light came towards me.

>> So you didn’t make it to that coffee date we arranged before Miami?

>> I’m going to assume that you had a good time anyway.  
>> I hope my successor was a gentleman.

>> It kind of explains why he was a little vague on a few things.

>> He would have accessed a pre-termination memory patch.  
>> Like I did for the Phil Coulson before me.  
>> And he did for the Phil Coulson before.  
>> And he did for the original.

>> So you never know how the one before you dies?

>> We know.  
>> We don’t get the memories, but we know.

>> The chain has been broken.  
>> There’s no Coulson five.

>> I see.  
>> Three models remain.

>> Fury has them out and about.  
>> Not being Coulson.

>> Ah.

>> Explain.

>> Bossy.  
>> We felt that having units in storage was a waste of resources.  
>> Director Fury and I discussed the pros and cons of sending remaining units out simultaneously.

>> Why?

>> One man can’t be everywhere.  
>> There was a lot of potential that could be used.  
>> I think he was getting sentimental.

>> Fury?

>> He has seen a Phil Coulson die at least three times now.  
>> He would have confirmed my own cease of functions.  
>> I’m not surprised that he has tired of the experience.

>> Maybe he should have taken you out of the danger zone instead.

>> Ha.  
>> You really haven’t paid much attention to my career path.  
>> I was stuck in the secretarial pool for safe keeping and a week later there was a bomb threat.  
>> Fury said that the only reason he didn’t stick me in the canteen was that he didn’t want to have to fish bits of me out of the soup.

>> And you yell at me for not keeping my head down.  
>> Can more LMD be made?

>> No.

>> Because the power source is unavailable.

>> Yes.

>> Is the power source related to the tesseract?

>> That’s classified.

>> So ‘yes’  
>> There goes plan B.

>> You didn’t know that I was LMD.

>> No.

>> So we really did take our sweet time getting together.

>> Yes.  
>> It took another three years after the Miami incident.

>> So you had a year.

>> A little over.

>> Well.  
>> That’s depressing.

>> Tell me about it.  
>> Why did no one tell me?

>> Error 14.  
>> You’ll have to ask Phil Coulson 4, if he’s available.  
>> But there was a plan in place for such events.  
>> There would have been a judgement call made.

>> Who would have made the call?  
>> Who decided to keep this from me?

>> Phil Coulson.

>> w  
>> why would he do that?

>> Error 14.  
>> I can only suggest that he suspected you would not take the news well.  
>> There is an unfortunate correlation between knowledge of LMD and loss of esteem.

>> that is such bullshit  
>> so what  
>> he was worried I wouldn’t like him anymore?

>> I think the real question is ‘why aren’t you asking him this?’.

>> I don’t know  
>> because I’m pissed at him  
>> because he died two years ago and I only just found out that was a lie  
>> or mostly a lie  
>> I’m pissed at everyone  
>> even you  
>> You areg to go out to coffee with me  
>> *agree  
>> and then you die  
>> and then you send your replacement without telling me?  
>> who does that?

>> I’d apologise, but it honestly seems to have worked out pretty well.

>> Except for the part where you died.

>> I refuse to take responsibility for that.

>> no, I know.  
>> But  
>> This has to be the most fucked up thing that’s happened to me.

>> Nice to know I rank higher than Budapest.

>> Shut up.  
>> You don’t get to make jokes about this okay

>> I’m sorry.

>> I date someone that I can’t live with out  
>> and have the good fortune that they are secretly a robot who can totally live forever  
>> and I still have to be a widower

>> You’ve managed to live for two years without him so far.

>> Shut up

>> We got married?

>> We were talking about it.

>> Ah.

>> What the hell does ‘ah’ mean?

>> I don’t have enough data to come to any conclusions.  
>> Error 14  
>> Et cetera.  
>> But I am glad that he got to have that conversation with you.

>> Who’s idea was it to build a robot that could have sex, anyway?  
>> How did that conversation for that even go?

>> Unknown.  
>> I wasn’t present at the planning meetings.

>> you had a heartbeat, skin, everything.  
>> Organic systems, right?

>> LMD construction is classified.  
>> But yes.

>> I saw you bleed a few times  
>> was that fake?  
>> And don’t pull that classified stuff on me when I’m already figuring this shit out.

>> They’re called ‘organic systems’ for a reason, Barton.

>> So you had a real body with a robot brain or something?  
>> That’s messed up  
>> Why not give you a robot body so, I don’t know, you were less likely to die in horrible and squishy ways?

>> The last I had heard, they didn’t see the point in an LMD that couldn’t pass for human.  
>> We’ve all had one of those missions.

>> I always sucked at those missions.  
>> I’m not very good at pretending to be something I’m not.  
>> This is messed up.

>> You should be talking to him.

>> I don’t want to talk to him.

>> You’re still a surprisingly bad liar for a spy.

>> I’m a better assassin.

>> You’re still surprisingly bad at dealing with death for an assassin.

>> I hate you.

>> I’m sure.

>> Would you come back?  
>> if you could?

>> What do you mean?

>> You memory is here.  
>> There are three other LMD out there.  
>> What if your memory could be put in one of their bodies?

>> But what would happen to them?

>> Idk  
>> They could take your place here in the coulson library

>> I don’t think that would be the best use of resources.

>> Forget best use.  
>> You’d be alive again.

>> I’m not the one you want back.

>> Phil  
>> Please

>> Ha.

>> What?

>> Nothing.  
>> You need to understand that I have already lived my life.  
>> I have no regrets about how or when I died.  
>> Though there are certainly events that I am sorry to have missed.  
>> Perhaps I was lucky to die when I did.  
>> Another three years of staring at your ass and doing nothing?  
>> I would have killed myself.

>> Lies.  
>> Staring at my ass was the highlight of your days.

>> Inaction has never sat well with me.

>> So I’ve learnt.

>> And if I had not died when I did, my life would have had a different trajectory.  
>> It dissolves into irrelevant ‘what if’s.  
>> Error 14s everywhere.

>> They wouldn’t be irrelevant if we shoved you into a body.

>> Do you think I’m alive?

>> what?  
>> Of course.  
>> You’re more alive than most people I know  
>> Though most people don’t require keyboard skills to co verse with.  
>> *converse

>> Therefore the remaining LMD are also alive.  
>> You can’t kill someone just because you miss your significant other.

>> Why not?  
>> I’m allowed to kill a hundred people because SHIELD tells me to why can’t I kill one person because I want to?

>> Because you’re meant to be one of the good guys.  
>> What if he has a family?  
>> What if someone is in love with him?  
>> What if you are stealing a body away from a better life just because you’re not good at letting go?

>> I really don’t give a fuck about letting go.

>> I’d noticed.

>> I don’t care what kind of lives the others are living.  
>> I want Phil back and I am going to get him back.

>> No, you’re not.

>> You sound pretty certain about this.

>> I am.

>> Explain.

>> You’ve been accessing us for ninety minutes.  
>> And you still haven’t worked up the nerve to talk to your Phil Coulson.

>> I’m just working my way through your history.

>> You’re scared.  
>> You’re scared of what he will say so you’re practicing on the rest of us.

>> Shut up.

>> And if you’re scared then I’m guessing that he’ll be able to talk you out of it.  
>> I know you, Barton.  
>> I know when you’re stalling.

>> Shut up.

>> You have a lot of wonderful attributes, but there is a line between tenacity and outright denial.

>> Goodnight, Coulson.

//: Drive 3 disconnected.

 

Clint was breathing hard, his heart pounding. Phil had always had a gift for getting under his skin. Clint had thought he’d given as good as he got, but apparently he hadn’t been able to get deep enough if he hadn’t noticed this. Memory patches. Right. Of course things had cooled off until New Mexico. It worried Clint how much sense it was all starting to make. Two hours ago he’d thought that Phil’s death had merely been the cover for some kind of witness protection program.

That actually would have been preferable to the reality. Witness Protection Phil would probably be less of a smart mouth. He’d have a body that Clint could grab in a hug and a mouth that Clint could kiss, and no one in the world would be able to stop Clint from damn well dragging him home.

Clint took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He double-clicked on the fourth hard drive.

 

>> Good Morning Agent Coulson, this is Agent Barton; Reference Av4729C.

>> Well.  
>> This is a little embarrassing.

>> Phil I am so fucking pissed at you right now.

>> It’s been two years.  
>> What’s happened?

>> I found one of the LMD

>> Ah.

>> Yeah, ‘Ah’.  
>> You have a lot of explaining to do.  
>> I have been in fucking mourning for two years because your back-up has been sorting mail in a fucking consulate in Croatia.

>> The last I heard it was an embassy.

>> I don’t give a fuck if it was a primary school.

>> Am I really so replaceable?

>> What?  
>> No, of course now  
>> *not.

>> Then what’s the big deal?  
>> Someone who looks like me has a job that is even more vexing than mine was.  
>> Three someones, if the server is up to date.  
>> How has everyone been?

>> About the same.  
>> Tony and Pepper are engaged.  
>> But no one thinks they’ll ever actually get married.  
>> Don’t change the subject.

>> Sorry.  
>> So.  
>> Why not just go out and meet someone new?  
>> I’m sure New York is full of guys in their late forties with receding hairlines.

>> Phil.

>> You might be able to find one who can tolerate your taste in music.

>> Phil shut up.  
>> Wait, don’t shut up.  
>> Idk  
>> I miss you  
>> I want you back.

>> We talked about this.

>> If I died and you had the cance to get me back, wouldn’t you take it?  
>> *chance

>> No

>> What?  
>> Why not?

>> Nothing is infinite.

>> What a blow to my self esteem.

>> Dying is a part of life, Clint.  
>> And I very much enjoyed having a life.

>> So be alive again.

>> You are considering a very selfish course of action.

>> I don’t care.

>> I do.  
>> One life does not have more potential worth than any one other.  
>> And I’ve already died.  
>> Multiple times, technically. 

>> I don’t want you to be dead.

>> That’s a sweet sentiment.

>> Why would you do this to me?

>> I didn’t intend to die.

>> I’m learning that you have a shitty track record when it comes to not dying.

>> Not dying is a hard skill to master.

>> Why did you agree to stop having a backup?

>> I thought it was unfair.

>> To who?

>> To you.  
>> To them.  
>> Me.  
>> Do you know what it’s like?  
>> Coming into a relationship halfway through?  
>> We’re all different.  
>> We can pass as the same, but we’re all born at different times; we all start from different places.  
>> It wouldn’t have been the same, Clint.

>> It would have still been you.

>> It would have been one of me, yes.  
>> But not the same.

>> Phil I just miss you so fucking much.

>> You’re not going to stop missing me in here.

>> I don’t want to stop missing you.

>> Yes, you do.  
>> That’s why you’re here.  
>> You want to stop feeling sad and angry.

>> I want you back.

>> Have you been to psych?

>> I am not talking to those fucking head doctors.

>> Of course.  
>> Instead you’ll stay here and talk to the memories of your dead android boyfriend.  
>> Much healthier.

>> You’re sounding like Coulson 3.

>> We had a lot in common.  
>> And some important differences.

>> Like what?

>> Coulson2.  
>> He was recovered shortly before Coulson3’s death.  
>> He never got the final memory backup.  
>> It skipped a generation.

>> So that’s where your sudden love of Captain America came from.

>> I was grateful for the company.

>> they didn’t tell me you died until after we won

>> I’m glad you made it.

>> Tell me about your termination.

>> I got stabbed through the chest.

>> Elaborate.

>> I got stabbed through the chest with a complimentary residual power source.  
>> Blade caused terminal damage to organic systems.  
>> Power source gave me a few extra minutes.

>> So you couldn’t be repaired or something.

>> No.  
>> It was better this way.

>> How the hell is this better?

>> Unless I’m missing some crucial data, you’re not kneeling before King Loki right now.

>> You didn’t have to die for them to get their shit together.

>> But I did die.  
>> And Fury respected my last wishes.  
>> And it sure beats eight years of rotting in the ocean.

>> I’m going to bust you out of here.  
>> Put you back together somehow.

>> Please don’t.

>> Phil.

>> It won’t be the same.  
>> It won’t be me.  
>> It’ll be someone else and maybe that’s good enough for you but it’s not for me.  
>> I don’t want someone else touching you with my hands and kissing you with my mouth and everyone involved pretending that it’s me.  
>> You’ve talked to the others.  
>> How identical are we?

>> Tony knows more about AI than anyone.  
>> He can make sure it’s still you.

>> I don’t think there is a me.

>> Phil don’t get all existential on me right now.

>> I’m dead, Clint.  
>> And an artificial consciousness.  
>> This is the perfect time to be existential.

>> You don’t have to be dead.  
>> Have you been programmed to accept your death or something?

>> Yes.

>> …  
>> seriously?

>> No one could see the point of an LMD that was scared to risk itself.

>> Well, this explains a lot.  
>> How do I reprogram you  
>> ?

>> Ouch.

>> I’m serious.

>> So am I.

>> You think that, what, a few lines of code are more important than your life?

>> First you want to replace me, now you want to change me to suit your whims.  
>> I’m telling you, it’d be easier to just go out and meet someone new.

>> I don’t want someone new.  
>> I want you.

>> I don’t want you to do this.

>> What the hell do you want me to do then?  
>> You’re stuck inside this computer and no one seems interested in busting you out of it.

>> If I were a human you’d have to grow up and deal with it.

>> Well you’re not human and I am really fucking glad because we could be having a second chance right now  
>> We could be in love and talking about maybe gettting engaged one day and having sex on new and exciting surfaces  
>> And you don’t get to be pissy at me for not wanting to let go of you because I am stupiddly in love with you and I’m going to keep being in love with you and the fact that you’re alive and stuck insde a desktop really isn’t the demotivator Fury seemed to think it would be.

>> Clint

>> fuck you I’m not correcting my angry typos.

>> Go to sleep, Agent Barton.

//: Drive 4 disconnected.

>> What?  
//: Message not delivered.

>> Phil did you just hang up on me?  
//: Message not delivered.

>> You don’t get to hang up on me when you fucking died ony me phi;  
//: Message not delivered.

 

Clint sat back and glared at the computer. Well. He had learned a lot. It wasn’t the heart-warming reunion he’d been hoping for, but Phil had always put the job first and his death apparently hadn’t changed that. 

It was weird that they’d had the ‘we both have dangerous jobs and it’s likely that one of us will die horribly in the near future’ talk before they’d had the ‘by the way, Bart, I’m actually a robot and after my body gets destroyed I’ll be spending the rest of my existence playing minesweeper’ conversation. And they hadn’t had that conversation because he’d failed a test. He’d done something wrong, or not said something right. Phil hadn’t been willing to take the risk of sharing his biggest secret.

Well, that was something that could be hashed out another time. Clint eyed the one security camera in the room, considered his location within the facility. Clint had a long history of ignoring his orders when a better idea came to him, and he had far more joys than regrets to show for it. Phil and Fury could take their pep talks and choke on them.

Clint had been in love with Phil Coulson, mind, body, and soul, for years. He had one component of the three sitting right in front him. He had people who could help him get the rest. Clint pulled a small knife out of his boot and set to work.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has some beautiful art to accompany it by [rascalparadyne](http://rascalparadyne.tumblr.com). It can be found [here](http://rascalparadyne.tumblr.com/post/37031659983/fanart-for-tawgs-backup-a-wonderful), and I strongly recommend that you take a look through rascalparadyne's other work if you haven't already - it's all wonderful.


End file.
